Peculiarities and other small things

I’m learning to appreciate life a little more as time goes by. Waves of silence often wash over me in the most unexpected places. Sometimes solitude brings a moment of reflection and often a token of appreciation follows. It can be challenging to take a step back and appreciate the little things that make up life. Not the job, the schoolwork, or the obligatory excursions, but the little moments that are often unpredictable yet somehow stay with you long after and as you replay them over and over again they make you smile, wonder and feel blessed to just be. I’m realizing it’s no longer the big events or life milestones that mark my existence but rather all the little trinkets I gather as I move through time and space. Don’t get me wrong, milestones and achievements are wonderful and laudable but something about the smaller moments that illuminate the creeping darkness of the daily motions in life make my heart flutter in sunshine like warmth. A two hour relax on a park bench listening to First Aid Kit over and over again while staring out onto the stretched canal lined by lopsided brick houses, the fabulous date covered dark chocolate I never knew was a food, the old lady in a red fedora kindly feeding a flock of pigeons, or a walk with a friend in complete silence. These little things pile up and if you track them you may possibly find it in you to appreciate life a little more. Everything big came from something that was once little.

About a week ago I visited a few cities in the Netherlands as part of an organized excursion by the university. I’m not fond of crowds or for that matter organized treks with strangers. The trip was a weekender, yeah I know that means overnight; I’m still in one piece. We ventured to Delft, a small town that used to be the main port for trading before the war. As we walked into the hostel *gasp* I uncovered the glory that is sharing a tiny space with 24 occupants. Not about to induce an anxiety attack, my friend and I promptly exited the people ridden cramped space to the tourist office. Off to the luxury that is a small Delft hotel! Dodged that bullet I did. It wasn’t too expensive but oh lord was it worth it. I’m sure at this point I just may come off as highly conceited but as an anxiety prone human, close contact with others in small quarters spells disaster. My friend has full fledged panic attacks, so there was no way a room with prison style triple decked bunks was going to happen. Being your own guide in a foreign city is very rewarding. We detached from the group and wandered around Delft for a while, a long long while. Into an old church, the miracle that is a chocolate covered date went down here among other things. Straying from the pack has its perks. We spent the next glorious night in Rotterdam, a much more modern city not much to my liking. It was bombed in WWII and thus was rebuilt from the ground up throughout much of the city. Our tour guide was a little too interested and I don’t think he got the message that the sleep deprived zombies trailing behind him walked for two hours before the tour even began. Despite the little hiccups along the way Rotterdam was alright. After engulfing the provided whole pizza I’m glad I passed on the expedition for a stroopwaffle mcflurry; who knew such a thing existed. My mind and body was capable this time of sleeping in a hostel as the room only had four people. The latter part of the trip comprised the Hague, which I thoroughly enjoyed. My friend and I furiously escaped the grasp of the bus and I felt a sense of freedom being released from the confines of the groups clutches. No crowds and group following this time, Rotterdam did it for me.

I figured out over the course of these weird, delightful, rash, anxiety ridden, people crowded three days that groups are not for me. I prefer the solitude of the park bench and the serenity of silent creepy people watching from the cafe on the cobblestone streets. I don’t feel a need or an urge to pack my days to the ‘fill until here’ line. I spend quite a plentiful amount of time taking in my surroundings, like a baby in stroller, blank face and all. I find myself getting off the tram a few stops early so I can just walk and view the world around me and the best thing is that it’s more than enough to occupy my mind with prickling curiosity.

My creepy photographing of the sweet lady feeding the pigeons

The Hague